This article is dedicated to Jas Waters (Jas Fly) a prominent journalist and writer on the hit show “This is Us” who committed suicide just before the quarantine was lifted. Jas was a successful Black woman who was at the height of her career. On the outside looking in, it appeared that life for Jas was good. She was financially stable, receiving notoriety for her work, and seemingly happy and living her life. Yet, and still, she had an internal battles that she succumbed.
There was very little coverage on the news of her passing. I recall being upset that the internet was so quiet about her suicide. In all actuality it was a reminder how Black women are treated when it comes to our health and our importance in this world. We are dismissed in the medical field and ignored, or silenced by the rest of the world for expressing ourselves. On top of that we are taught at an early age to push through things that cause us pain. We are taught that strong women deal with it silently and keep moving forward. That’s not strength it’s self-sabotage and potential suicide. I’m throwing away the image of “strong.” Black women are much more than the pain that we can endure. We are kind, gentle, loving, vulnerable, beautiful, sensitive, intelligent, talented, and emotional. Most importantly we are HUMAN.
As a Black woman in America and juggling many hats I definitely know what it’s like to feel like I’m not enough, or as if I’m not doing enough. For every Black woman that is pretending that everything is okay for the sake of others comfortability, or because you don’t want to bother anyone with your problems… Please Stop! I want you to know that you are important, you are loved, you are valued, your feelings are valid, you deserve to be heard, you are needed, and it’s okay to not be okay!
The importance of mental health has been discussed for the last 3-5 years by motivational speakers, life coaches, therapist and everyday people; on platforms such as social media, podcast and even a simple friends’ kickback. People have been more upfront about the struggles they face from pressures of society on what their lives should be like, stress from the workplace, and family/friends expectations. The continuous pressure of what feels like life is pulling you down can lead to depression. Depression affects over 18 million Americans, and is the leading cause of disability for people ages 15-44.
Quarantine ended in mid to late June 2020 for most of us, but the remnants of being quarantined still linger. We were forced to be isolated from our family and friends, work from home- which caused more work or be laid off . Coupling these enforcements with existing depression could possible be devastating and traumatic to the psyche of an individual.
Some people are open about their struggle with depression and others hide it from everyone – or even in denial about their struggle with depression. Those that hide or are in denial about their depression are the ones that we should be most concerned about. We can’t force anyone to communicate with us or tell us their personal feelings. However, we can pay attention to our loved ones and try our best to pay attention to the subtle signs they may display. Some people that suffer from depression tell us they are depressed subconsciously.
RED FLAGS AND CAUSES OF DEPRESSION
Contrary to popular belief it’s okay to check on the friend that you haven’t spoken to in a while. A person falling silent can be a red flag for depression. Keep in mind, absolutely no one is perfectly happy at every given moment of their life. When you speak with a person that is identified as the “strong one,” in your family/ friend circle, give them an opportunity to vent and speak without interruption.
- Constant intake of bad and/or unfortunate news causes depression. That information can be consumed through media, social media, or random content.
- Suffering the loss of a loved one causes depression. During the quarantine it seems death smothered all of us. It was all around, almost as if you could smell it in the air.
- Constantly comparing your life, self, and how you look to other people is a serious cause of depression. Everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be in this life, and no one is perfect on the inside or outside.
- Obligations that we have with family, friends, and work can become overwhelming and cause depression; when you feel what you’re doing is somehow not good enough, or enough altogether.
- Loss of interest in participating in activities that are typically deemed as pleasurable.
- Feeling sad, self pity, and/or hopelessness.
- Difficulties going or staying asleep.
- Sleeping too much.
- Lack of appetite or overeating.
- Feeling bad or sorry for yourself.
- Negative self talk such as feeling like a failure and/or feeling guilty.
- Having issues concentrating.
- Attempts to stay busy or overly active in an effort to avoid dealing with feelings and emotions.
- Having thoughts of ending your life or hurting yourself.
Depression is the primary reason why someone dies of suicide every 12 minutes. If you feel as if you’re falling into depression please reach out to a friend or family member. It’s also a great idea to seek counseling.
It’s time that we stop pretending we’re flying high when we feel low.
Contacts are listed below for those whom need help.
National Helpline 1-800-662-4357
National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255
ReClaim Counseling, PLLC
248-905-1629 email 2reclaimcounseling@gmail.com
Cognitive Behavioral (Mindset) Coach TheAshleyRaeBrand@gmail.com