Throughout life we as women meet new people. We create new bounds, experiences,and friendships. Some of us still have friends as far back as elementary school, high school, and college, and we have friends that we meet at work. With all these relationships that women create with each other, they often live by a code. The Girl code.
There are many rules within the Girl Code. For example: When you run into your friend’s ex and he asks how she’s doing, you automatically tell him she’s wonderful. You don’t inform him that she was crying for 6 weeks over their breakup. When you have all these friends and you are in the dating scene, you are bound to run across someone your sorority sister or best friend from high school dated.
I know that breaking Girl Code is dating someone that one of your friends was once in a relationship with. But what if your friend was in a situationship with someone and it’s now ended? A situationship is basically when everything is up in the air. You know how you feel about him but you’re unsure of how exactly he feels about you. You’re just going along with the situation.
What if you have friends that consider themselves as sexually free (you probably met most of those friends in college)? Those friends enjoy meeting guys and having casual sex. There is no love, emotions, feelings, etc… They just had sex. If you meet someone that one of your friends had sex with years ago, is he now off limits for dating? I think we all have a couple of friends that I call “sneaky freaky.” A “SNEAKY FREAKY” friend is the one that has a few notches under her belt and they all aren’t revealed at the same time. For example Tiffany and Tamera are in the car and Tiffany starts telling a story about this new guy she’s dating named Kyle. Tamera stops Tiffany in mid sentence and starts asking very specific questions about Kyle to verify his identity. Tamera then tells Tiffany they had sex. Tamera is a “Sneaky Freaky” friend.
Now Kyle is off limits because Tamera has a friendly vagina, right?! What if your friend dated someone but didn’t like him? She basically just used him for the free meals and entertainment. You know what Im talking about! Then, later on down the line, he dates one of her friends and they really like each other. Is her friend breaking Girl Code?
At what point do we stop doing things to please others and start pleasing ourselves? Does it depend on how good of a friend the person is to you? Does it depend on how long you’ve been friends? What terms define breaking Girl Code?
I can’t say what I would NEVER do, but I’m about 95% sure I wouldn’t date any of my friends past dudes. It has happened where I’ve started dating, and happened to had a beautiful baby by, a guy who this girl I used to be friends with was digging, but there was nothing there. They both guaranteed that. She liked him, but they never dated. I was sure that I was in the clear before I even responded to his advances. If the shoe was on the other foot, in sure I wouldn’t care. If in not with him there’s a reason.
I don’t think I have ever even been attracted to any of my friends or families dudes, but a few have hit on me after their breakup, and I did not proceed because I would not want to hurt my friend.
My issue is my loyalty runs deep. Whether they were together for 6 years or 6 minutes, he’s automatically off limits. He could be fine as wine, but knowing he had been with my friend, makes him unattractive. As a FEMALE, its just certain things you just don’t do. Certain things are unjustifiable.
Thank you ladies for coming on here and posting your comments.
Let’s be honest…. Just because he wasn’t for me doesn’t mean he isn’t for you. Ok. Ok. If I was with him for 6yrs then he is off limits ; but if I was only with him for 6 inches and I forgot his name – don’t miss your blessings on my account.
and no I’m no sneak freak….
I’m just saying we in the desert and you not going to drink from the same water bottle I just drank from… Because it is unofficially mine??? Think about it.
That wasn’t meant to be posted under Jenn’s post… But Kamryn are you telling me that you are getting to know this guy on the low key and you bring his name up every once in awhile and you are feeling him…. You decide to bring him around one day and your friend says “Omg I had sex with him twice but there wasnt anything more!” that he’s automatically cut out of your life?
Wow this is a loaded questions. I do have some experience in this issues give that two of my closet friends at the time decided to talk to a Previous Girlfriend. One friend has multiple offenses. The issues that I have is the purpose of wanting to talk to an Ex. I am not opposed to dating a friends ex. it is almost unavoidable especially if your Friend is/was sexually free. The best answer that I can come up with now is to proceed with caution. You never know he may be just the man that you were meant to with.
In my situation I feel that my “friends” wanted to talk to my Ex because they did not have the confidence to step out of the box. There is a certain level of Comfort with familiarity!
Is the main question the guy question or pleasing other vs ourselves and what type of friend we are or what a good friend is to us? Personally, I wouldn’t date a man I know dated one of my friends and vice versa, but people do and sometimes they have no problem (both female parties) knowing that. I know what I expect from myself and my friends. As far as pleasing people, I guess that’s relative, when you get tired and i mean REALLY tired of pleasing other people and if you’re a strong person, then you’ll stop. I added the strong part because some people will be tired but aren’t necessarily ready to say “no” or to stop.
I oppose “girl code”, it’s not advantageous to me.