My sister’s keeper

Do you remember how old you were the first time you were told to humble yourself or tone down your ambitions, in some way? It seems to be a theme in the lives of Black women. Something I’ve heard people say “there will always be someone better than you at something.” Why do we have a difficult time encouraging our girls that they are the best? We all know that confidence is the key.

This entire topic has been highlighted in my mind based on a few groups that I’m in on social media. There is one in particular that shall remain nameless. It’s supposed to be a fun platform for people to express their views and opinions on reality TV shows and its characters. For the most part it serves its purpose. However, there is a new character on one of the reality shows (RHOP) that’s discussed in the group , the newest personality is Wendy.

Wendy is a Political Commentator and professor at John Hopkins University. She is around 35 years old. Wendy is a wife and mother of three children. Let me correct myself, her name is Dr. Wendy. I think Wendy is amazing, personally. She is what I want to see as a representation of a Black woman on TV. Wendy has a Doctorate degree… four degrees in total! The fact that she has earned so many degrees has been mentioned on the show a few times. Some viewers feel like it’s overkill- but to me it’s nothing wrong with Wendy discussing her hard work and being proud of what she’s accomplished.

It’s also important to know that Wendy is a straight shooter in the sense of expressing what she believes is right or wrong, with logic, to back up her views. I have seen so many women in the group try to pick Wendy apart because they are “tired of her talking about her four degrees.” They also nitpick her physical attributes such as her hair, which is mind blowing to me. Imagine a Black woman picking apart another Black woman about her hair, knowing the history and stigmas surrounding Black hair. It’s not just Black women constantly picking apart Wendy. A non Black woman posted “she needs to humble herself.” …That’s another history lesson for another day!!!

This, amongst other things, leads me to believe that Black women don’t like Black women, and non-Black women don’t like successful and confident Black women. I think women view women like Wendy as competition. If not competition, then it seems rooted in regret of choices that they made in their lives, lack of opportunity to reach a level in life, or a deficit in accomplishments to be celebrated. Maybe they see something in Wendy that they see in themselves that they don’t like. Why does Wendy or any Black woman have to make themselves small in order to make other women comfortable?

I personally can relate to this feeling because at 25 I was afraid to tell people I had a Master’s degree. It was as if being young, Black, and a woman with a Master’s degree came with a stigma, assumptions, and expectations. It was easier to just not say anything about what I’ve accomplished. Wendy is Nigerian. In Nigerian culture parents teach their children that they are the best in whatever it is that they decide to do. So, their children grow up with the confidence of being the best. We all know that feeding the mind positive words and thoughts helps develop positive thinking patterns. Whatever we think and visualize we can actually create and/or become.

Are Black women only likable or better yet accepted if they fit into a category that others are used to seeing or expecting? Yet, the girl from the block (round the way girl) is criticized, too, for not speaking “proper English,” dressing a certain way, or wearing her hair in a certain style. In my opinion you can’t be a supporter of Black women and speak ill of other Black women. Being catty and judgmental of your sister because you haven’t walked the same path or don’t understand one another is inconducive. It further feeds into stereotypes that the media puts out there about black women. Black women , if anyone, really should be defending Wendy when she is being criticized negatively for having POSITIVE accomplishments.

We as Black women should not have to shrink ourselves when we are displaying, and speaking about our greatness! When anyone else speaks about how great they are it’s viewed as passionate! Yet, when Black women (we) do the very same thing it’s viewed as braggadocios! This is a learned behavior. It seems we have taken on one too many views and opinions of our oppressor. Sometimes we need to check ourselves, and take a look at how and why we have certain feelings.

We are all different, yet unique, and share some of the same/similar experiences. We should focus on our own goals and dreams to become our best selves. Aspiring to be more than average, aspiring to reach our higher selves on all levels. Try to participate in speaking positively about yourself and others. Celebrate accomplishments! You’ll then notice that you have more positive thoughts and a positive outlook on your life; so much so that you will be positive when speaking on others.

Be your sister’s keeper.