After hearing about Alton Sterling, of North Baton Rouge, being murdered by the police I immediately felt dizzy. When I was able to view the gruesome shooting my chest began to feel tight and I could feel the chunks of vomit building up in my throat. All of these thoughts and images of the different men and women that have been killed by the police started to play in my mind like a movie. Then I started to think about how I would be harassed via social media if I decided to speak out against police brutality.
It’s so dreadful going to work the next day after another Black person has been murdered by the police for two reasons; 1)More than likely you have to drive to work which puts you at risk for being pulled over by the police. When you see a police car you automatically suffer from high levels of anxiety which is why you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach. 2. You have to worry about your White peers and your want to be accepted by White peers discussing the topic and saying all kinds of insensitive nonsense. If I hear another Negro-pean say something about Black lives not mattering to Black people I may snap!That term “Black on Black crime” pisses me off because it’s simply propaganda created by the media. For whatever reason people have to find a way to not see the truth and ignore the facts. People like to ignore the repetitiveness of each situation. People like to make Black people criminals instead of victims no matter the situation! That’s what the media has trained our minds to do! Black lives not mattering to Black people simply isn’t true. Even if it were , does that make it okay for police officers to kill Black people at their discretion?
If you can relate to the feelings I described you are suffering from Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). After years of Black people being raped, beaten, hung, shot, framed, and ambushed such as during the Black Panther movement it’s only natural to develop PTSD both chronic or short term.
Not even 24 hours later Philando Castile of Minnesota was killed by the police. Philando was a passenger in the car with his girlfriend (the driver) and his daughter was in the back seat. Philando informed the officer that he had a license to carry a concealed weapon and that the weapon was in the car. The officer instructed him to show his ID and as Philando reached to get his wallet the officer shot Philando 4 times. Philando later died from the gunshot wounds. How are we supposed to cope with this murder?
Police have been allowed to kill Black people since the inception of police departments. Instead of punishments they received pats on the back! It has become more apparent that the practice is still the same- we just have cameras to show them in action, but yet, and still it’s never enough for a conviction. Instead the corpse is always criminalized by the media, so that the victim can be blamed for his or her own death. This is a vicious record that stays on repeat.
People keep asking what can we do or looking for someone to help us , not realizing that we are our own help. Stop spending your Black dollars with these places that send out messages about supporting and appreciating the police directly after an officer has just unjustly slain another Black body! In fact stop spending your Black dollars with these establishments that don’t value you period! Take a stand for yourself and search for organizations in your community that are actively doing something besides marching! Better yet start your own organization.
We are the only ones that can save ourselves!
I told a friend of mine the other day, I think I may start losing friends because I’m tired of explaining to Black people why Black on Black crime is propaganda, and them not being open to receive the TRUTH! Lol, I don’t mind disagreeing, but some things are truth, and that’s a truth. What is it called when White people kill other White people? A crime, murder, that’s it. And why do you assume that because I’m outraged by a police officer killing a citizen, I’m not outraged when people kill people in general? The two of those don’t have anything to do with each other. That weekend of those two killings, I had to log off social media because my stomach was in knots, I didn’t watch either of the videos but I read enough posts from people. In the words of Kandi Burruss Aunt Bertha, this is “tew murch.”
It’s so stressful! My boss called me the next day to check on my mental stability because I was so distraught and upset about everything when I went to work. There has been studies done for the last 15 years linking A.A. People and our history in this country to PTSD. However, it’s not something that is looked for from mental health professionals! Isnt that shady and boarder line racist all in itself?! Im mf tied!